My friend SP told me that I've been very cranky. She dropped by my apartment the other night and shared with me the latest turn in her it-does-not-have-to-be-complicated romantic life. Somehow my frustration and impatience with her prevailed. She told me later on that I almost made her cry. Everything that I said was intended to reiterate important points, ones that I had made several times before. None of them was said out of cruelty but rather out of genuine concern. It's called tough love, folks. I gave her a big, tight hug in the end. She refused to take the "assault" personally and rationalized that my crankiness was brought on by something else. I'm afraid she was right. Part of it was, honestly, my frustration with her diffidence and stubbornness and hardheadedness. The rest... well,I can blame it on my own personal frustrations.
It's about the middle of my final semester and school work is flowing in rather steadily.I'm working on two consulting projects for my classes and, while they're enjoyable and very practical, they do take up a lot of my time. Then, there's the job hunting bit. While I remain optimistic, scouring different websites for job postings and crafting just the right application letter also require quite a bit of time commitment. And then, there are personal relationships. All combined, it can be frustrating and a bit demoralizing at times. I am the kind of person who has taught himself to be self-reliant and independent but sometimes I just find myself needing a shoulder to lean on or a friend to give me a hug and just be here my side (literally or figuratively). I had a chat a few days ago with one of my best friends, GC, who was going through her own personal issues in Perth. We both tried to console and support each other long distance with the assistance of technology. That exchange affirmed a friendship that had been forged almost 20 years ago. While that offered consolation, I also feel like I have very few real friends left--which is really not true (I hope). However, I have never felt so removed and distant from people that I am sort of hoping I could count on. I am not one to sulk or wallow in self pity so life goes on but one wonders about the quality of one's friendships when the people who are supposed to know you best do not know you anymore.
I write this not to have a pity party or gain some sympathy but rather to remind myself that friendships, no matter how tight or intimate or backed by a long history, need to be nurtured and maintained. And each relationship needs to have a reason to exist beyond convenience or mere companionship. DM posted today a link to an article from the Guardian about friendship. She highlighted this section:
"The people who can validate us best are
those we can see as equals, and with whom there can be mutual
affection, trust, loyalty and acceptance. Such people give us the kind
of validation that builds a lasting self-confidence despite the
difficulties we encounter.
These are our true friends."
So, yeah, I've been a bit cranky lately. You got a problem with that?