By the time this gets posted, I would have just traveled by train from
Boston to Washington, DC. (Note: Actually, it’s the day after I arrived in DC.
Internet issues and all that. And it was very tempting to “edit,”or not post at
all, what I had already written, but where else can I be candid if not here? On
a public blog, I mean… Yeesh.) That would be an almost five-hour trip, about equivalent
to flying cross-country from New York to California, without the airport
hassles. So, this leaves me with plenty of time to do things that one could
do on a train—sleep, listen music on the iPod, watch a movie, write letters and
emails, or just stare out the window and think. I’ve done all of that except
watch a movie. I have a couple of films in my iPod I have yet to watch. I am
saving those for the trip back.
I am currently on spring break, hence being able to do the trip in the middle of the week. And I’m taking my own sweet lazy time by riding a train instead of flying. (I love trains. Isn’t that already obvious?) But it’s turning out to be not just a trip just for the sake of making a trip. I needed to get away from Cambridge, even if only for a few days. New York was not an option. And it’s been too long since I have seen my friends in DC. They’re ‘The Gang.’ Yes, capital T and G. I never realized how much I needed or wanted to see them. (And here I am with nary a gift. I am such an ungrateful guest.)
I am now in this very weird space. Things are changing around me and in me but for the moment I want things to stay still—or stay the same. Wouldn’t that make things easier to handle? I know that in a couple of months, change will definitely come. I just wish I knew what is going to be on the other side. I know what I want to be on the other side (boy, do I), but I feel that so little is in my control. I struggle with that every day and try to approach it with optimism and determination and patience that would rival even Obama’s but sometimes it’s hard to keep at it. But I’m keeping cool and trying to find humor in things, just like ‘Bama.
I had another one of those bittersweet moments this past weekend. It gave me a glimpse of what the future could be—what I hope it to be—but reason totally puts that out of the equation. Why do people have to be so rational sometimes? There are things that heart knows that the head does not know. You hold on to your heart’s desire and sometimes it is given to you and sometimes all you are left with is hope… or worse, despair. I do not ever want to fall into despair. Not for this one.
But change. Change is coming. In terms of the seasons, it has already come… sort of. It is already spring but, up north, it is still a bit nippy—sometimes sharp but overall more pleasant than it was a few weeks ago. I now get to go out with few layers of clothes. The winter felt endless. One is often asked what one’s favorite season is. My automatic answer is fall. Right now, just because of how endless the winter felt, I’m saying I love spring. But do I need to have a favorite? Do I only have to choose one? Isn’t change and transition the point of having seasons?
And now it's time to shut up...