[ T - T R A i N ]

Train Thoughts

By the time this gets posted, I would have just traveled by train from Boston to Washington, DC. (Note: Actually, it’s the day after I arrived in DC. Internet issues and all that. And it was very tempting to “edit,”or not post at all, what I had already written, but where else can I be candid if not here? On a public blog, I mean… Yeesh.) That would be an almost five-hour trip, about equivalent to flying cross-country from New York to California, without the airport hassles. So, this leaves me with plenty of time to do things that one could legally do on a train—sleep, listen music on the iPod, watch a movie, write letters and emails, or just stare out the window and think. I’ve done all of that except watch a movie. I have a couple of films in my iPod I have yet to watch. I am saving those for the trip back.

I am currently on spring break, hence being able to do the trip in the middle of the week. And I’m taking my own sweet lazy time by riding a train instead of flying. (I love trains. Isn’t that already obvious?) But it’s turning out to be not just a trip just for the sake of making a trip. I needed to get away from Cambridge, even if only for a few days. New York was not an option. And it’s been too long since I have seen my friends in DC. They’re ‘The Gang.’ Yes, capital T and G. I never realized how much I needed or wanted to see them. (And here I am with nary a gift. I am such an ungrateful guest.)

I am now in this very weird space. Things are changing around me and in me but for the moment I want things to stay still—or stay the same. Wouldn’t that make things easier to handle? I know that in a couple of months, change will definitely come. I just wish I knew what is going to be on the other side. I know what I want to be on the other side (boy, do I), but I feel that so little is in my control. I struggle with that every day and try to approach it with optimism and determination and patience that would rival even Obama’s but sometimes it’s hard to keep at it. But I’m keeping cool and trying to find humor in things, just like ‘Bama.

I had another one of those bittersweet moments this past weekend. It gave me a glimpse of what the future could be—what I hope it to be—but reason totally puts that out of the equation. Why do people have to be so rational sometimes? There are things that heart knows that the head does not know. You hold on to your heart’s desire and sometimes it is given to you and sometimes all you are left with is hope… or worse, despair. I do not ever want to fall into despair. Not for this one.

But change. Change is coming. In terms of the seasons, it has already come… sort of. It is already spring but, up north, it is still a bit nippy—sometimes sharp but overall more pleasant than it was a few weeks ago. I now get to go out with few layers of clothes. The winter felt endless. One is often asked what one’s favorite season is. My automatic answer is fall. Right now, just because of how endless the winter felt, I’m saying I love spring. But do I need to have a favorite? Do I only have to choose one? Isn’t change and transition the point of having seasons?

And now it's time to shut up...

Whack band

I have a band and we have a CD. Okay, it's a made up band.

I know this meme has been around for quite a while now but I was looking for something fun (and quick) to do. (Although I did end up spending more time on it than I had planned. Hello, procrastination!) It used to be a little hobby of mine to create new covers/sleeves for existing CDs as a way to indulge my interest in graphic design. (I remember doing one for Kate Bush's The Whole Story.) The lay out I ended up doing for my made up cover, found below, reflects my basic design philosophy.

What kind of music do you think my band plays?

1 - Go to Wikipedia. Hit “random”
or click en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random .
The first random Wikipedia article you get is the name of your band.

2 - Go to Quotations Page and select "random quotations"
or click www.quotationspage.com/random.php3 .
The last four or five words of the very last quote on the page is the title of your first album.

3 - Go to Flickr and click on “explore the last seven days”
or click www.flickr.com/explore/interesting/7days
The third photo, no matter what it is, is your album cover.

4 - Use Photoshop or similar to put it all together.

Cranky

My friend SP told me that I've been very cranky. She dropped by my apartment the other night and shared with me the latest turn in her it-does-not-have-to-be-complicated romantic life. Somehow my frustration and impatience with her prevailed. She told me later on that I almost made her cry. Everything that I said was intended to reiterate important points, ones that I had made several times before. None of them was said out of cruelty but rather out of genuine concern. It's called tough love, folks. I gave her a big, tight hug in the end. She refused to take the "assault" personally and rationalized that my crankiness was brought on by something else. I'm afraid she was right. Part of it was, honestly, my frustration with her diffidence and stubbornness and hardheadedness. The rest... well,I can blame it on my own personal frustrations.

It's about the middle of my final semester and school work is flowing in rather steadily.I'm working on two consulting projects for my classes and, while they're enjoyable and very practical, they do take up a lot of my time. Then, there's the job hunting bit. While I remain optimistic, scouring different websites for job postings and crafting just the right application letter also require quite a bit of time commitment. And then, there are personal relationships. All combined, it can be frustrating and a bit demoralizing at times. I am the kind of person who has taught himself to be self-reliant and independent but sometimes I just find myself needing a shoulder to lean on or a friend to give me a hug and just be here my side (literally or figuratively). I had a chat a few days ago with one of my best friends, GC, who was going through her own personal issues in Perth. We both tried to console and support each other long distance with the assistance of technology. That exchange affirmed a friendship that had been forged almost 20 years ago. While that offered consolation, I also feel like I have very few real friends left--which is really not true (I hope). However, I have never felt so removed and distant from people that I am sort of hoping I could count on. I am not one to sulk or wallow in self pity so life goes on but one wonders about the quality of one's friendships when the people who are supposed to know you best do not know you anymore.

I write this not to have a pity party or gain some sympathy but rather to remind myself that friendships, no matter how tight or intimate or backed by a long history, need to be nurtured and maintained. And each relationship needs to have a reason to exist beyond convenience or mere companionship. DM posted today a link to an article from the Guardian about friendship. She highlighted this section:

"The people who can validate us best are those we can see as equals, and with whom there can be mutual affection, trust, loyalty and acceptance. Such people give us the kind of validation that builds a lasting self-confidence despite the difficulties we encounter.

These are our true friends."

So, yeah, I've been a bit cranky lately. You got a problem with that?

Reflections on politics

This semester, I am taking a course called "Running for Office and Managing Campaigns." It is being taught by a professional campaign manager/consultant who has been in the "business" for about 29 years. He is, to say the least, a character. I have never talked to him one-on-one but, from the way he delivers his lectures, I guess I could say that his personality suits his chose profession.

Anyway, the first writing assignment for the class was to think about why politics, running for office, or working for a campaign is important to me. Basically, it required some a bit of introspection and self-assessment. It was the easiest paper for me to write--I worked on it two hours before it was due--and I also found it to be one of the most satsfying writing exercises I had to do in a while.

Here are some excerpts. Consider this as a rather late posting commemorating the 23rd anniversary of the People Power/EDSA Revolution (February 25).

August 1983. I was seven years old when I had what I would consider my political awakening. Philippines senator Benigno ‘Ninoy’ Aquino, after three years of exile in the U.S., was gunned down on a tarmac in Manila on his homecoming as he was escorted off his plane. Despite the threats on his life, Aquino still chose to go home in order to face then president Ferdinand Marcos and do whatever it takes to return the country back into democracy. I had no awareness who Aquino was before his assassination but that tragic event sparked something in me and it surely served as the impetus for all the events that led to Marcos’s ouster in 1986. Aquino’s funeral was attended by millions of people. I watched the procession on TV with my family wishing I could be out there on the streets.

That evening, I drew what was probably my first editorial cartoon. There was Marcos turned away from Aquino’s grave and with a shocked look on his face upon hearing Aquino’s declaration from beyond the grave, “I hate Marcos.” Hate. It was a pretty strong word to use. But I remember asking my mom what the opposite of love was. Hate. I thought, “That’s what Ninoy and his family and the people on the streets must be feeling towards Marcos.” I had an opinion and I picked a side. This early experience and highly charged political environment would strongly influence how I viewed politics.

Growing up in the Philippines, I have had my fair share of flawed political leaders. And despite all the good intentions that went into its creation and re-creation (but more like patched up here and there), we still have a very flawed political system. With such a combination, the Filipino people found creative ways to place and remove leaders in office. We have a few coup d’états to our name, the most well known being the People Power Revolution, that unseated a couple of presidents. Needless to say, my generation grew up in a time where there was renewed hope in democracy but a lot of distrust in the system. I developed an ambivalent attitude towards the election process—I was excited to participate and vote in elections, local and national, but was frustrated with the selection of candidates who thought themselves worthy to present themselves as our representatives. [...]

In 2006, I finally was able to talk myself out of my cynicism and decided that if I really wanted to know what government work was like I should learn it from the inside. So, back home in Manila, I applied for a position with the national economic planning and development office. I even took the civil service exam and passed. During one interview, where a panel of five people sat around the table, they asked me question that were supposed to make me think twice about the job. Among them: Have you ever been humiliated by your boss in front of other people? Have you ever had things thrown at you? How willing are you to compromise your principles? All these questions referred to the current president’s work style, to whom their office directly reports to. Although highly qualified, they did not think I would fit in. [...]

Would I ever run for office myself? Should I? I do not see why I should not seriously consider it. If it should come to that, I doubt that ambition would be the main driver but rather because I believe that nobody else could do the job better than I could. I realize that the decision to run for public office is not an easy thing. Although I am not aiming for martyrdom, I always think about what Ninoy said about the possible consequences of his actions: “The Filipino is worth dying for.” It underlines the fact that genuine public service requires putting the interest of the people you serve ahead of your own.

And just like rallying for any cause or issue that I believe in, supporting and campaigning for a candidate that supports the same causes and issues is the next best thing to being up there myself. My good intentions will only go so far by just sitting and observing (and complaining) in the sidelines. So whether I will ever be the candidate or work for a candidate aspiring for public office, if I want to see change, I know I need to act and do my part.

Twenty-five years from Ninoy's death and 23 years from EDSA, where do we find ourselves as a nation of Filipinos? And where do I find myself as a product of those times? We do not need to be martyrs like Ninoy. Grab your tool of choice and look for every opportunity to make a difference.The worst we could do is to just stand aside and do nothing.

Annie Lennox, "Shining Light"

Annie Lennox has a new single out, a cover of Ash's "Shining Light." I like both versions. Annie put her own stamp on the song. I've listened to it only a couple of times and it's already stuck in my head.

Annie's video cannot be embedded but here is a link. (Ash's video is at the end of the post.)

This post is dedicated to... Well, you know who you are. (Yes, you.) :-P

Shining Light

Roman candles that burn in the night
Yeah, you are a shining light
You lit a torch in the infinite
Yeah, you are a shining light
Yeah, you light up my life

You've always been a thorn in their side
But to me you're a shining light
You arrive and the night is alive
Yeah, you are a shining light
Yeah, you light up my life

We made our connection
A full on chemical reaction
Brought by dark divine intervention
Yeah, you are a shining light
A constellation once seen
Over Royal David's city
An epiphany you burn so pretty
Yeah, you are a shining light

You are a force, you are a constant source
Yeah, you are a shining light
Incandescent in the darkest night
Yeah you are shining light
My mortal blood I would sacrifice
For you are a shining light
Sovereign bride of the infinite
Yeah, you are a shining light
Yeah, you light up my life

We made our connection
A full on chemical reaction
Brought by dark divine intervention
Yeah, you are a shining light
A constellation once seen
Over Royal David's city
An epiphany you burn so pretty
Yeah, you are a shining light

And these are days you often say
There's nothing that we can't do
Beneath a canopy of stars
I'd shed blood for you
The north star in the firmament
You shine the most bright
I've seen you draped in an electric veil
Shrouded in celestial light

We made our connection
A full on chemical reaction
Brought by dark divine intervention
Yeah, you are a shining light
A constellation once seen
Over Royal David's city
An epiphany you burn so pretty
Yeah, you are a shining light
Yeah, you light up my life
Yeah, you are a shining light
Yeah, you light up my life

Where I learned how to cook

Last night, MN and I went to an early evening screening of the Bugs Bunny Revue at the Brattle Street Theatre for their 14th annual Bugs Bunny Film Festival. It was an hour and a half of childish pranks from the rascally rabbit himself and the audience, about 20 or so us in the whole theater, mostly children but also quite a few like-minded adults, lapped it all up. I think MN and I and the couple sitting in the row in front of us laughed the loudest. For me, it was nostalgic. A few of the episodes I remember from the countless afternoon I had sat in front of the television. I was so delighted to see 'Bunker Hill Bunny.' ("I'm a Hessian, without no-o-o-o aggression! If you can't beat 'em, join 'em," said Sam von Schamm--aka Yosemite Sam--in surrender.) But a couple of other episodes reminded me of where I got my ideas of cooking--American cooking, that is.

One was "Operation: Rabbit" where Wile E. Coyote, with a soothing and calm voice like what you would expect from a therapist, used various creative ways to trap and make a meal out of Bugs Bunny but invariably backfired. So, in one attempt, the hapless predator created a pressure cooker and placed it over the rabbit hole but not before tossing in some greens and, most importantly, grabbing a bottle of seasoning and letting drip just a sparking drop into the hole along with all the other ingredients. I think it was for a rabbit stew. He made it look so appetizing. And then there's "Bedeviled Rabbit," which featured the Tasmanian Devil. Again, the rabbit that could not be outwitted was being pursued so that he could be made into a meal. TD trussed up BB so he could be roasted over a spit, and just the right amount of salt and pepper was sprinkled along with, guess what, a drop of what I was starting to suspect was a tasty and very potent seasoning. Despite the the somewhat savage ways that Wile E. Coyote and the Tasmanian Devil prepared their meals, they always had greens along with their protein. And in several other Bugs Bunny episodes, fricassee was often mentioned as a dish. I still do not know what a fricassee is but it sounds really fancy.

So, aside from spending a lot of time in my grandmother's kitchen when I was a kid, Bug Bunny cartoons taught me about food--salad always comes with a meal, just a drop of the right seasoning is all you need, paper frills on a rack of lamb or chicken or turkey or a sticks of dynamite make them fancy (and edible)... Oh, and most importantly, carrots are good for you. That's all folks!

Matt Alber, "End of the World"

Gorgeous song and nice voice. Reminds me a bit of Rufus. Beautiful video too. The title of the song is just asking for a short story. (I think I'm already writing it.) Must get CD.

What would you do?

Last week was the week of adamant.

It was new year's day, sitting by the kitchen counter in my cousin's home in Pasadena, when I saw these words hanging by the neck of an unopened champagne bottle.

"What would you do if you knew you couldn't fail?"

I thought, "Heh, how cheesy." And yet the question brought forth a genuine desire to respond because I believed I had an answer, and my answer did not come as a list of of things that I would do. (Come on, you know I could never be that literal.) However, I just held on to my own musings because who would admit to being prodded into an indulgent  self evaluation by a message on a gift tag?

I ponder on the question now in the light how my 2009 kicked off. I had some rather interesting, even profound, experiences going into the first few weeks of the new year, many of which highlighted my stubbornness. Adamant. What would I do if I knew I could not fail? Probably the same things I would do even if I did not know with certainty that I would succeed. Some might call that optimism. In my case, it is very likely stubbornness. Or maybe it's the same thing?

A few weeks ago I did Goofy's Challenge--a marathon and a half marathon in one weekend--at Disney World. While I signed up for it almost a year before the event, the intention to train for it was not followed through. So it was not without hesitation that I put on my running shoes and bib number for the half marathon early Saturday morning. While I knew that I was going to be okay for the half, I was not sure if doing a full marathon the next day would be realistic. I was being overly cautious and trying to be very aware of how my body was doing, and with good reason. My body, not entirely perfectly built for long-distance running, is prone to injuries. But come early Sunday, at 3 a.m., I got out of bed and put on my running shoes and bib number yet again, this time to do the full marathon. I felt good enough to do it. I thought if I took it slowly I would finish the race without any injuries. The point was to, first, get myself to the starting line and, second, finish without injuries. Those were the goals. And I did not doubt that I would not be able to do it. Of course there were a lot of unknowns and anything could have happened that would have completely taken me out of commission, but while I was out there doing the marathon, I knew the finish line was at some point going to come up.

I finished (and so did J, who I ran with). I pushed my body as far as I could and still felt great afterward, which was, to be honest, the biggest surprise for me. If I did not run that day, I would not have known what my body was capable of. Of course, those were not the ideal conditions in which to test my limits, but with every challenge that I face I do learn a lot about myself.

When asked how I was able to run 39.3 miles in one weekend, I honestly say that it was not because of my physical ability. Yes, there is that but it played a very marginal role in this case.  I did what I was able to do out of stubbornness. I willed myself to finish. I wanted to do it. I wanted to finish. I wanted it.

I am the same way other parts of my life. As a son. As a brother. As a student. As a friend. As a lover. As a person. While signs point towards the improbable (or the impractical), some things I push myself to do because I believe in it so much. Sometimes persistence pays off and the universe happily grants me my heart's desire. Sometimes the universe says, "You have not earned it yet," or worse, "You do not deserve it." Regardless of the outcome, I know I am better off for trying. And then New York happened.

As much as I try to shake off New York, it remains profound and very real. It still makes me smile and wonder and marvel... And yet... There are times where common sense tells me to play it cool. And that I have to listen. And I have to be patient. And I should be grateful for and appreciate the gifts I have already been given. Yes, universe, I know, you're funny... ha-ha... Now, stop it!

I have never paid much attention to the word 'bittersweet' before. Better to have bittersweet rather than just be bitter.

Last week was the week of adamant. This week... This is the week of restraint.

Bling

This was the reward for running a total of 39.3 miles this weekend. They're so shiny!

Thanks to our friends BRIC and their kids for driving up to Orlando and waiting in the stands to watch us cross the finish line on both days. (They deserve a medal too for doing that!) We're trying to convince them to do it with us next year. And congratulations to our friend RC for finishing his first marathon in the US. I don't think there's a more fun place to make your marathon debut than in Disney.

Again, thanks for your encouragement and for believing that we could do it. It was stupid and crazy but you know I'm one stubborn bull.

*Donald Duck medal (half marathon), Mickey Mouse medal (marathon), Goofy (Goofy's Challenge)

One down...

So, I did the half marathon today. Great. No problem. I got my Donald Duck medal. I did not break any records but definitely finished strong. No injuries despite the lack of training. And I thoroughly enjoyed the whole course. I guess it helped that I brought a camera with me, which served as a good distraction. Tomorrow I'm scheduled to run the full marathon. (A shout out to the Goofy Challenge runners out there!) Still deliberating whether I could realistically run and finish a full marathon soon after doing a half. It would be great to get the hardware--a Goofy medal, natch, for doing both races, in addition to the Donald Duck for the half and the Mickey Mouse for the full. But running 26.2 more miles is serious business. Maybe I'll take a nap and think it over...

Thank you, friends, for cheering me on. Photos have been posted. More to come.